Weight and Relationships

Todays blog is written with the best intentions, to help educate, motivate, and hopefully alleviate any false perceptions of how a persons weight, can, and many times DOES affect our relationships.


I receive phone calls, e-mails, and texts on a regular basis from loving, caring individuals deeply concerned for the health and well-being of their loved one(s). Many times, when a person is overweight, they feel trapped in a place they'd truly rather not be. I say this as a result of speaking with my clients who have been very outspoken, and brave about confronting their weight. Some have teetered on suicide, others live quietly feeling less than human, and still, there are others who accept themselves for who they are, are happy, and stay active. 


My own opinion is, I do not believe anyone is overweight because they want to be. There are very few cases where genetics play the key factor. Injuries can change a person forever depending on the injury itself. I'm amazed and inspired by individuals who overcome such tremendous odds. 'Soul Surfer', Bethany Hamilton, is an example of faith, strength, and determination. There are many others. 


There are other health conditions that can affect weight gain and weight loss, like hypothyroid, for instance, or a hysterectomy, or cancer. Any health issue that throws the body into hormonal distress can, and many times will throw the body into a confused weight storing machine. For cancer patients who survive, chemotherapy and radiation can forever change the individuals 'make-up', an destroy a once functioning system, making exercise much more challenging, and results much harder to come by. I hold cancer survivors in high admiration. They have been through an awful lot. Many pick up the once shattered pieces and begin living their lives all over again. My dear sister is one of them. I love her with all my heart. One can never be judged. 


In most situations, where there are no health issues, weight gain is a condition that comes on ever so gradually. Where there are eating disorders, and emotional eating, the relationship with food for many becomes a love/hate relationship. If not reckoned with, it can become a vicious cycle where many find themselves too embarrassed to turn for help. 


TO THOSE WHO ARE STRUGGLING WITH WEIGHT
I encourage you to take a leap of faith. To hold your heads up high. Look at yourself in the mirror and fall in love with the person you are looking at. You are an incredible person. Look at all the other areas of your life you are successful. You can be successful at whatever you put your mind to. It is never too late to begin. You are not too old, too tired, too far gone, etc., you have what it takes to get the job done. Your loved ones are there to support you. They do not want you to lose weight for the 'looks' of it. 


THIS IS WHAT LOVED ONES TELL ME THEY DESIRE AND WANT YOU TO KNOW
They deeply care and love you more than you'll ever know. They want you around for a long time. They want you to be strong. They want you to be healthy. They want you to have energy. They want you to be happy. They want to take you places, and make memories. They want you to run around with them, go on trips, swim, climb, and have an awesome retirement together. Perhaps you are already doing these things. Great!  


START WHERE YOU ARE AT, WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, AND TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME.....
Begin with the knowledge you have. Begin with what you can do TODAY. Visit your physician and get a 'go ahead' for activity. Get any tests performed that he or she feels necessary. Get yourself a nice journal. Begin entering your thoughts, feelings, pictures, and future plans of what you desire in your life. Believe that you can indeed achieve. Learn whatever is necessary to keep progressing. Please, do not be embarrassed or afraid to ask for help. Others want to be of service to you, but do not want you to feel pressured. It must be your choice. 


YOU ARE NOT ALONE


I have studied eating disorders for years. More people suffer from an eating disorder than recognized. Many times athletes, including figure, bodybuilding, and other sports where physique is critiqued and body fat matters, eating disorders can become a silent killer. Ballerina's have had the most exposure in the past for such conditions. I mention this because I want you to be aware that eating disorders are everywhere, not just in the overweight population.


HOW DOES WEIGHT AFFECT RELATIONSHIPS?
From my observations, and speaking with both clients and their families, the number one complaint I hear on both sides is it creates an area of .... contention. Contention of weight related conversations. Contention when a spouse speaks or looks at another of the opposite sex. Contention about meals that are prepared and/or food being bought and brought into the home. Contention about misunderstandings of the situation, and contention about what each side desires, and finding a happy medium. Yes, weight can and indeed many times does... cause conflict within relationships that many would rather not deal with. 


Our body weight is a very personal thing. Words spoken can be taken personally. Sometimes they can be outright painful. When it comes to our lives, health, relationships, and so forth, I believe it is crucial in dealing with these matters straight on, one step at a time. Get counseling where counseling is necessary. Get a trainer when a trainer is necessary. Get a life coach if you feel the need. This goes for both 'sides', until one blessed day, there are no more 'sides' it's just us being us.


I'll never forget when I was living in my 'bubble', I was told I couldn't run, etc., because I would inevitably end up in the emergency room, unable to breathe. At this point in my life, I came home from school turned on the television and ate, and ate, and ate some more. I ate away my boredom, my frustrations, my loneliness. Then, one day, I noticed a stack of pictures that had just come back from summer vacation. I was looking at one upside-down and couldn't make out who I was looking at, as they did not look familiar to me. I was shocked when I spun the picture around and saw it was a heavy ME! I did not like what I saw, and it caused me to question what I had been told by doctors. I decided to take matters in my own hands. No, it was not fun. Yes, it was painful. No, I did not get results overnight. Yes, I was making slow but sure progress. No, I didn't give up. Yes, there were days I felt like it.   


YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO UNTIL YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO DO IT! Notice I said 'DO IT', not 'try'. 


It's the little day by day, tedious, sometimes rather monotonous, things that bring about progress , and eventually...success! Do not be fooled, THERE IS NO GRAND MOMENT. The moment is NOW. 


I hope this has been helpful. 
Health!