It’s that time of year again. A New Year has arrived and many new opportunities await us. What an exciting time!
Before we move any farther into the New Year it’s important to look at where you’ve been, what you’ve accomplished, the people in your life, the opportunities you’ve ceased, places traveled, obstacles overcome, fears tackled, goals achieved, friends made, loved ones laid to rest, rivers crossed, so on and so forth.
Be sure to make note of all the people, places and things that have brought you joy, enhanced your life, educated you, brought you a breathe of fresh air, hope, fulfillment, and made you a better person for it.
Give thanks. Smile.
THE BAD, AND THE UGLY
On the other hand, be sure to look at your perceived failures. The things that didn’t go quite as planned, or hoped for. The things, people, events and/or circumstances that brought you pain, heartache or disappointment. Be sure to acknowledge how you handled each scenario. Did you handle it in such a way as to build you into a stronger person? Or did you allow it to tear you down, or worse yet, apart? Many prefer to not look at these situations, however, there is no course to chart if we don’t know where we’ve been. Much can be learned by our mistakes. Look. Learn. Grow. Do not fear. Do not be ashamed. The thing about mistakes, or things that have gone awry is it’s never to late to look at it again with a new perspective, deal with it and let it go. Now that’s refreshing!
WHY PEOPLE FAIL
We hear over and over again how people make the same New Year’s Resolution(s) year after year, because they never seem to be able to conquer them. They are slaves to bondage. No habit or addiction compares to the freedom of overcoming. This is why one must evaluate carefully, not only their resolutions (which I prefer to refer to as goals from this point), but must be able to know exactly why they did not reach their goal. For every why you didn’t reach your goal, come up with what you’ll do differently this time, or it is sure to be a failure again.
People mean well, but deep down do not:
1. Take the time to really think things through
2. Believe in themselves
3. Trust in themselves
4. Have the true faith necessary, to take the steps daily to accomplish the small and simple.
5. Create a plan
6. Believe a Higher Power can help them through difficult times
7. Think it’s possible, and/or believes it will require too much sacrifice
8. Believe their current life isn’t so bad, and therefore settles for less than their potential
9. Plan a realistic goal, become overwhelmed and give up.
THE SOLUTION
You’ve all heard of the SMART formula.
S - specific, significant, stretching
M - measurable, meaningful, motivational
A - agreed upon, attainable, achievable, acceptable, action-oriented
R - realistic, relevant, reasonable, rewarding, results-oriented
T - time-based, timely, tangible, trackable
This is smart advice!
WHERE DO I START?
1. TAKE TIME
Any great leader you may have read about has taken the time to be alone to think, reflect, listen, seek direction and make plans. Between phone calls, texts, e-mails, meetings, appointments, errands, families, job commitments, volunteering and the daily essentials of living, it’s no wonder people run out of time for themselves. Be sure to put ‘you’ time on your schedules, just as you would any other important person in your life, and stick to it. Allow yourself time to get to somewhere quiet, unpopulated, and serene. Allow yourself enough time to get there, relax, and have some good quality, quiet time away from the stresses of life, this will enable you to think more clearly, and get in touch with your inner feelings.
2. BE CLEAR
For success in reaching your goals you need to be clear on a few things: What you want, why you want it, and how you will attain it. Write it down. You must also have a burning desire to accomplish it! As in “No such thing as an obstacle”. Simply figure out a way around it, through it, or eliminate it! If you want something bad enough, you’ll get it. Look at your past successes. What drove you? How did you feel about it? How did you accomplish it? How did you feel when you overcame perceived obstacles? And more importantly, how did you feel when you made it to the end, and reached your goal? Surely you must have reached some important milestone in your life by now, most likely several. If you can reach one goal, you can reach another.
3. CREATE A PLAN
Yes, you must be actively engaged in reaching your goal, daily! Goal reaching is not a passive activity. I started by wearing a gaudy bracelet many years ago, on my left hand. When I did something that day to reach my goal, I allowed myself to move the bracelet to my right hand and then had the choice to leave it there until the next day, or put it away until the following morning, and repeat the process again. I disliked that bracelet so much, I made sure I put my goal item at the top of my list each day, so I could take the blasted thing off! It worked. Find what works for you.
Write down the steps necessary to reach your goal, then go back and fill in how and when you will do it. Do this for each step all the way to the final objective. It takes a bit of time, but it’s so worth it! You’ll be amazed at how things begin to fall into place as you make the conscious effort to reach your goals daily.
Update your progress on a weekly basis. I like to keep a calendar of everything that was accomplished that week to bring me closer to my goal. This way I can literally see the progress being made, and it’s very motivating.
Work your plan, and it will work for you.
4. BE FLEXIBLE
Be open to new ideas, possibilities, or pathways to get you to where you would like to be. Be flexible on the time issue. Understand life and time are two constantly evolving things, controlled, yet uncontrollable. Manage the items you can, manage them well, and let the rest go, no stewing, no complaining, just keep pressing forward... keep believing.
Keep your goals alive.
5. START WITH THE END IN MIND
Don’t know where to start? Wondering what’s really important to you?
I’ll give you a few ideas.
1. Professional
2. Educational
3. Intellectual
4. Relationship(s)
5. Creative things
6. Spiritual
7. Volunteer
8. Health
9. Fun/Play (Recreation)
10. Material object(s)
I suggest choosing one goal at a time when beginning, to ensure success. Juggling too many goals can be overwhelming, and set you up for failure, however, as you get into the practice of deciding what it is you want, create a plan, write your plan, and follow through to completion, goal setting and reaching a goal can be a multi-goal process.
Some people like to start with a category and do one thing daily, others weekly, and still others monthly, it just depends on you, your circumstances, and most of all, your desire.
BOTTOM LINE
Support systems are wonderful. Ask any military what it’s like to work on a Team that has it together, understands what a Team is about, and how ultimately, each member of the Team knows one another inside and out. They know eachothers strengths, weaknesses, and can literally tell by the look in their eyes or expression on their face, what needs to be done and who needs to do it. This is a supreme blessing. When you come back into civilian life, it’s an adjustment, mainly because you’re beginning from the ground up, building a brand new support system which functions on a different plane. Maintaining the inner strength you once had on your Team might present itself as a challenge, but it can be dealt with and make you a much stronger person for it. This is a topic for another blog. The point here, is to acknowledge your support system, use it, but use it wisely. Never rely solely on a support system.
Only you can make things happen in your life. Sure, a support system is nice but people come and people go. Even the people who have been with us for many years have times they need to be absent due to their own circumstances, of course they care, but you must know you can pull through anything, with or without the support of others. The only person you can truly rely on 100% of the time, is yourself. Get to know yourself. Struggle through the hard times, the lonely times, the uncertain times and you will grow immensely as a person.
This is another element of ‘Mental Toughness’. Learn it. Grow.
As you hold yourself accountable, you will gain inner strength. The key here is to follow through whether you feel like it or not, whether you want to or not, whether it’s raining or snowing, you must daily keep pressing forward. The only way to understand the growth that comes from achieving is to follow through, period. No one can do it for you.
No excuses.
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