Mothers Should Have Service Contracts

"Happy Mothers Day!"

My BFF sent this to me. 




MOTHERS SHOULD HAVE SERVICE CONTRACTS!  by Patricia Aune

Mothers ought to come with a maintenance agreement; for a complete overhaul every five years, three kids, or 300,000 miles; whichever comes first.

It makes sense.  A properly maintained mother is bound to be a better mother, providing more years of non-stop service.  If the Department of Labor or the Department of Consumer Affairs decide to prepare a bulletin of how to keep a mother running smoothly and operating at top efficiency, there are several points they ought to consider:

FUEL
Most mothers will run indefinitely on hot cocoa and pizza-burgers, but an occasional additive of gourmet meals for two in elegant surroundings will add efficiency.

MOTOR 
A mother's motor is probably the most dependable anywhere.  A mother can start and reach top speed from a prone position at a single cry from a child.  To keep that motor operating at peak efficiency, regular breaks are recommended, leisurely bath and nap ever 1,000 miles, a baby-sitter ever 10,000 miles and a two-week live-in sitter ever 100,000 miles.


BATTERY 
Batteries should be recharged regularly.....roses and candy are often sufficient.


CARBURETOR 
When a mother's carburetor occasionally floods, it should be treated immediately with kleenex and a soft shoulder.


SPARK PLUGS 
When sparks begin to fly, avoid driving for a while.


SPEED 
Do not drive at prolonged high speeds or breakdowns are likely, usually in the form of flooding carburetors or malfunctioning spark plugs.


CHASSIS 
A mother operates best when properly maintained.  Her wardrobe should be changed every fall and spring.  Regular exercise should be encouraged.  Tune ups, a change of hairdo and make-up, should be part of the regular maintenance.


LUBRICATION 
Mothers need regular lube jobs.  Compliments are the cheapest and most satisfactory type of lubrication.  Lubricate regularly and spark plugs are not likely to malfunction.
Just by following these simple instructions, the average mother should last a lifetime, providing efficient service.